And Here's To 100 More...

So, it's our 100th post, and to commemorate this, I've put together 100 posts worth of sheer awesome from start to finish...

1. "If you fancy contributing to this blog, it means I don't have to, and that suits everyone." - Arran
2. "...now that I have worked out HOW to actually post, I shall stalk it like a bloggy ninja" - Beth
3. "I have just realised, Riggers, that it's slightly sad that we have a blog to which we are the only two followers" - Beth
4. "Oh, and Always Attract has been ruined for me. Fucking chavs." - Arran
5. "I wish I was coming down with a case of the lezzers, because that would be more socially acceptable." - Beth
6. "Surviving February 14th - stay in bed." - Arran
7. "Well, Feb 14th was fun - spent the whole day being proposed to by my many eager suitors. Oh, how my beauty makes me suffer... and how well it becomes me!" - Beth
8. "I'm in Dolphinholme. I see no point in this house; you've got to wear a coat to go to the bloody bathroom." - Arran
9. "We need more subscribers. And if you don't then I'll hunt you down." - Beth
10. "James Watts may have the voice of an angel, but that doesn't stop him from being a..." - Beth
11. "Love is thrown around so much that it doesn't really exist anymore. Yeah, I said it." - Arran
12. "God, that sounds arsey-er than it was intended... I hope this post-script softens the blow." - Beth
13. "I gather something unfortunate is going on in the life of the jordy she-devil. GOOD, I hate her, I hate her music, and I hate her bloody shampoo." - Beth
14. "The one time Disney is historically accurate and it's so crap!" - Beth
15. "And he's gorgeous and spangly and white, and he connects to the internet wirelessly without airport because my baby is magical." - Arran
16. "HI GUYS, I HAVE A NEW BLOG :D - http://ifitmattersatall.blogspot.com" - Arran
17. "Postman Pattitude" - Beth
18. "I can't believe I've never played pretendy guitar on a badminton racket before!" - Beth
19. "Ktschh - I need motivation" - Arran
20. "I'm sat at my desk, half on the mac, half on the pc, music blaring out, chocolate and drugs strewn everywhere, and orangina in one hand because we've run out of coffee." - Arran
21. "Loads of people love you regardless of your never reciprocating it. What's your secret? Other than being thin, pretty and ladylike. Darn all that reciprocally nonsense!!!!!" - Beth
22. "Who do you think you fucking are????? You dell fucker." - Beth
23. "Our house is covered in chocolate, and my mum just said "you girls are in danger of being spoilt by these parishes, you know". OSHIT - does that mean I have to talk to people? Because I don't want them getting the wrong idea." - Arran
24. "I'VE GOT A MINI HETTIE!! It's crap. (At hoovering, but in every other respect it's fantastic)." - Beth
25. "Permission granted to judge me. I'm ashamed of my own tastes." - Arran
26. "Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg." - Beth
27. "I've missed something out. Something other than Ian Watkins' stomach" - Arran
28. "Katie, I had a dream that you were the author of Harry Potter last night. It was odd". - Beth
29. "Arran... I bought La Senza knickers without you" - Beth
30. "You know how much I love the frilly, slutty bit!" - Arran
31. "No fear. I bought a pair of vaguely slutty ones to make up for your not being there" - Beth
32. "I've done no work, I've learnt no spanish, but I'm fucking GINGER, so everything is fine" - Arran
33. "Having had you, Riggers, explain to me what a metrosexual is, I've realised how shit they are compared to proper, steadfast northern, curry eating, quattro driving, fag smoking, pint downing, MEN" - Beth
34. "Note to self: do not fall over, it hurts - rather a lot, to be honest" - Arran
35. "I've got confectionary and Angela Lansbury. YAY LIFE." - Beth
36. "His big blue eyes and nose ring are adorable. I want one" - Arran
37. "My taste in music is just getting unbearable. Even for me" - Arran
38. "OHMYGODILOVEYOUANDWANTYOURBABIES" - Beth
39. "I have a broad spectrum of people to consider, and you're all far too difficult to fit into one package" - Arran
40. "When walking up to school today, little did I know, Arran, that I would later be lifting you over a barbed wire fence while simultaneously trying to unhook your fishnets from aforementioned fence" - Beth
41. "Slipknot have lost an incredible musician, and I just can't imagine how difficult it will be to replace him - he just can't be replaced" - Arran
42. "I found it slightly funny when she said, 'don't get shirty', I was like LOL! THAT'S VAGUELY TOPICAL SINCE WE'RE DISCUSSING UNIFORM! BUT I'M STILL JUSTIFIABLY ANGRY!" - Beth
43. "So we've all heard about my mysterious graze from Gaby's party. I can't remember how I did it, but my knee has been rather unhappy for just over a week" - Arran
44. "Now that the blog has lost its innocence, I'm going to make it a whore!" - Beth
45. "Everyone reading this will know about it... but in a week we're going to have a relaunch, complete with pictures of toilets. Prepare yourselves." - Beth
46. "Are you kidding!? I want to be your girlfriend more than a proton wants to be with a neutron! - Really? That much!?" - Arran
47. "Just coz I don't luurve him anymore doesn't mean I give up perving rights, does it?" - Beth
48. "You know me and my crap advice and unsuitable lustings, I'd be no help anyway" - Arran
49. "I cannot tell you, because there is a very good chance you would die. You would lol your pants off though, I'll say that. I'll probably look back on this and be like: ahhhhhhhhh wtf was I on????? It's pretty bad. It's so bad. It's very bad." - Beth
50. "I have nothing anymore. I was ginger, I had a beautiful ear, and now all I have is my emo cuts behind my leg." - Arran
51. "Are people actually that thick? How can someone get to the age of sixteen and not know the difference between are and our? Not to mention capitalising at the start of sentences!" - Beth
52. "I've learnt to drink plenty of milk because it helps you to scream, and obviously a farmer's favourite drink is Bacardi Breezer" - Arran
53. "Day 5342, I write to you now with little hope of survival. If somebody finds this, then I am long gone. Do with my remains what you will." - Beth
54. "HELLO BOYS. Now, whap on some bang tidy drum 'n' bass for maximum effect whilst I speak" - Arran
55. "Beth, we're giving our readers missions. Christ, we're like, supercool." - Arran
56. "I found myself having a conversation with myself last night that did develop into a prayer of sorts. So I should probably stop with all the blasphemy and shit" - Beth
57. "...many of which involve choosing a random person on the street, subtly following them around and picking up on their various mannerisms and then 'becoming' them. I now have an ASBO." - Beth
58. "Oh no! I've become apathetic! The decent into emodom has begun." - Beth
59. "Oh, tasty guitar man. Put multiple donks on it." - Arran
60. "It makes about as much sense as Gina being faced with a cake and her saying no" - Beth
61. "I absolutely love my ginge, but the roots are killing me a little inside" - Arran
62. "I'm going to be positive and reveal my true feelings because astrology.com told me to" - Arran
63. "Here I am in my La Senza pyjamas and my purple spotty socks. It's a wonder men can keep themselves from jumping on me" - Beth
64. "...hey! Donks is in my dictionary!" - Arran
65. "It takes a lot to be ginger. I obviously don't have what it takes to pull it off" - Arran
66. "There will be food, a volleyball net, music, guitars... if people bring them... if people bring them... aaand a beach. Oh, and alcohol. Obviously." - Arran
67. "Pride and Prejudice doesn't involve time travel" - Beth
68. "I'm going a bit femtastic on you all. I've even bought a dress" - Arran
69. "The only newspaper they sell at the corner shop is The Farmer's Guardian. What. The. Fuck." - Arran
70. "...I am still somehow far more attracted to Tom. Oh, wait  he's blonde and tone deaf. That must be it. Yeah, I know, I have some issues that need to be resolved" - Arran
71. "ARGHHHGH! IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! THEY WERE JUST TALKING AND THEN THEY STARTED KISSING AND GENE HAD A GAY PORN MAG!!!!!" - Beth
72. "I've just boiled the kettle and made packet vanilla latte! Guys, we're on a role today." - Arran
73. "Bobby Udo Shuddup Thomas-Bladon-Rigney was boorn yesterday evening at 19:06pm' - Beth
74. "Fallen on the Floor of the School Toilets is so cool, it's uncool... or is it so uncool that it's cool? Or are they the same thing?" - Beth
75. "I defy anybody not to be slightly aroused now" - Beth
76. "NOT!" - Beth
77. "BETH BETH BETH... CORNETTO HAH" - Arran
78. "Yes, Arran, yes. I deep-throated a cornetto. I only realised the sexual connotations after a certain point, and then it was just funny so I carried on." - Beth
79. "The Becky Party. Bless her, she'll try" - Beth
80. "So you know what, people can just fuck off. They can go back to touching themselves over diagrams of single-celled organisms" - Beth
81. "If she couldn't find me, she'd lie in the hall and meow hopelessly until I shouted her name. Oh, we are a pair" - Arran
82. "Looking through my iPod, I had a sudden feeling of whatthefuckery" - Arran
83. "EXCLUSIVE: North Pier is a TIME WARP!" - Beth
84. "I'm wearing my sunglasses, and I'll be damned if I'm taking them off just because the weather isn't entirely appropriate!" - Arran
85. "Is it just me, or is an intimate dance on a boat full of tourists not exactly the most romantic scene in a romantic comedy?" - Arran
86. "People got very drunk, I didn't get drunk enough, James fell asleep twice before everyone else, I didn't sleep at all, and my phone got seriously fucked up" - Arran
87. "Why can't everyone be more like me? I act like a total arsehole, but do not expect everyone to be like "OHMYGOD BETH IS SLIGHTLY SAD!" - Beth
88. "Yes, that's right - I've got so little to blog about that I now take requests!" - Arran
89. "I'm trying to rewrite Don't Stop Believing about Blackpool-based DIY" - Beth
90. "How many times within one verse of a song should one rhyme 'eyes' with 'eyes'?" - Arran
91. "A paint pot in isle six would colour co-ordinate well with that kitchen from Wickes, for a tenner they can paint the house, it goes on and on and on and on" - Beth
92. "I hate Little Beth. Shut up Little Beth. It makes me feel all intellectual when I'm having an attack of the Ponders" - Beth
93. "Hmmmn...I know, I'll go and do a subject that made me want to stab myself in my ample stomach with a blunt pencil" - Beth
94. "She's not as pretty as she thinks she is, just picture her after she's had kids. Oh, guess who I'm referring to there with those clever lyrics?" - Arran
95. "I'm pretty butch-looking, I've got a deep voice, I over-use the word 'bastard' and have an unhealthy obsession with scotch whiskey! I'm a sixty seven year old bloke!" - Beth
96. "I swear, our insulation works inside out" - Arran
97. "Disney is actually the saviour of all humanity" - Beth
98. "I hate the poofy, creepy, freaky, weirdy, trouser hitching, nipple waggling Masons" - Beth
99. "I aim to force our readers through painfully long blog posts that reach no real conclusion more often" - Arran

100! - If you bother to read our blog, thank you, and sorry about the general lack of sense that goes on. Don't forget to share http://operationsuperfantasmic.blogspot.com with all of your friendies, and give us a shout if you have any ideas.

Here's to 100 more,

- a.

Arran's Manchester-Based Late Night Adventure

Are we sitting comfortably? Good - then I'll begin. This is the story of Tuesday 21st September 2010, and I like to call it "Arran's Manchester-Based Late Night Adventure".

I woke up, as usual, at half six. It's not the best time to wake up, and I don't feel too brilliant for the first hour and a half of my day, especially when it rains as much as it does between half six and half seven in the morning in Dolphinholme. After beautifying, I hopped into the car and was taken to the bus stop for half past seven. The bus was ten minutes late, as usual.

Not much happened on the bus, as usual.

When I walked into my slightly shabby form room, a little bit soggy from the rain, Mady showed me a ticket, and asked me whether I'd got her text.
I checked my phone.
The ticket was for me, because she couldn't go. I, of course, jumped at the chance to see Kenneth Nixon live - who in their right mind wouldn't?

And for the rest of the day, not a lot happened. As usual.

And then I went to get the bus. This is always an exciting time for me, because the bus doesn't arrive at thirty three minutes past three, as the timetable says it should. The bus times are, in fact, completely random. I was hoping that the bus would arrive on time on this particular day, because I needed to get to Preston station for half five - but sod's law wouldn't allow that. The bus was half an hour late.

"Well, that's fine", I thought to myself, because I would still have just about enough time to get to the station if there was somebody to pick me up when I arrived in Cabus. Well, yet again sod's law denied me this, and I had to wait in a car park for someone to arrive to pick me up. They then told me that my dad's car had suddenly become uninsured, and my mum's was falling apart. Hence, it was my dad's decision to drive to Preston very slowly, to prevent anything from falling off my mum's car.

The traffic in Preston was absolutely dire, and it was quarter past six by the time I actually got to the station. The next train was at ten to seven - so I had a while to wait. Of course, sod's law also dictated that I wouldn't have enough money to buy a coffee, so I decided to sit on a bench on the platform and wait for my train.

The story is about to get better, I promise.

Out of the blue, a first year uni student came and sat down next to me, and just talked for ten minutes. Note that I don't know who he is, or why he did it, he just did. And then he gave me his number. I was in a state of whatthefuck about this - because that sort of thing doesn't happen to me, but anyway, then the train arrived.

There were no seats, as dictated by my favourite of all laws, but I didn't mind too much, because the train was actually there.

After finding out that the ginger one had been walking up and down a lengthy Manchester street, I walked down the same lengthy Manchester street with him, and we finally got into the gig - and we weren't even that late.

The gig was honestly like some sort of school trip. The room was filled with 12 year olds and their more than slightly older boyfriends, and family outings. Framing Hanley are good, but I wouldn't exactly call a gig the best place to have a family outing, y'know?

So, the first band played brilliantly, until the guy "sang", which didn't really work for me because he was a bit tone deaf. The second band were pretty good, in a fairly generic way, and Framing Hanley played my two favourite songs, told some bad jokes, and Kenneth Nixon was generally beautiful.

And then we went home. Oh, and there's no need to panic, guys, because the seiciento is insured again :D
I aim to force our readers through painfully long blog posts that reach no real conclusion more often, and I hope that this post was certainly an experience for you all.


Hope that's made up for my lack of posts - it was just as tedious and four times as long as what I usually do!
- A

I have to share this with you.

"I hate the poofy, creepy, freaky, weirdy, trouser hitching, nipple waggiling bloody Masons"

Guess who!?

Disney makes everything Ok.

I don't care what people say about Disney! Disney makes me feel happy. Yeah, they change endings of classic fairy tales to make them all cuddly and that, but frankly that's a good thing.

I'm sorry, but Hans Christian Anderson was a nutjob. He brutally kills the Little Mermaid, so to be honest, I'm perfectly happy with the Disney ending.

Life can't be super-happy-funtime, so we're fucked if our cartoons aren't either. In fact, if you look at it from that perspective, Disney is actually the savior of all humanity. I for one would be dead in a ditch were it not for the catchy music, princess shit and idealistic nonsense it has to offer.

I still think Tinkerbell's a bitch though. How the fuck did that whore end up with her own franchise/shit movie? She basically tried to kill Wendy in Peter Pan, and yet somehow, all is randomly forgiven and the near murderess gets all the glory! Where's Wendy's glory?
I like Wendy; she had to put up with a lot of shit. First she gets kidnapped by a ginger dude in tights, then his fairy friend tries to have her shot, then Peter starts flirting with mermaids who also try to kill her, THEN Peter flirts with Tigerlilly while Wendy is forced into servitude by the random tribe of Native Americans and then, to cap it all, she is nearly killed (AGAIN)by pirates, for no other reason than Peter Pan being in a mood with her. And, to be perfectly honest, if anyone's got a right to be in a mood, it's her. But no, he stays out all night partying with the aforementioned tribe, flirting with Tigerlilly and then comes back like "FUCK YOU WENDY!"

That is one fucked up relationship. To be perfectly honest, it's probably handy that Peter Pan will never grow up, because he'd more that likely become a philandering wife-beater.

Also, heard a good joke today:

A peadophile, an Nazi and a homophobe walk into a bar and the barman says:
"What can I get you, your holiness?"

It's a little bit harder you'll see - letting go of the monster in me --

Hi guuuuys.
Just thought I'd have a wee bit of a vent on here if that's alright with you all?

Everyone's been asking me why I've stayed on at Baines recently, what with me pretty much living in Lancaster right now. Apparently, a bunch of people expected me to whap on back to lggs.
Ha.
As if that would have happened.
I'm not even going to use the excuse about getting on better with guys for this one.
It's blatantly obvious that me and lggs were not a good mix. I mean, there's this one person who I've known since I was six, and we haven't spoken since... before easter. I've made attempts, but it seems as though she's avoiding me.
Which is a bit upsetting, really.

I think I'm just in a really bad mood because my chemistry homework was a bit of a bitch today.
Oh, and it's bloody freezing here, so I'm sat in bed with several layers on and the electric blanket.
I swear, our insulation works inside out.

- A x

So what am I politically?

Just did this test on politicalcompass.org to see what's going on with my political leanings. I'm still none the wiser. Please don't tell me I'm a poofy liberal! Am I a poofy liberal? It did get me thinking though, what do I even believe in? By that graph I'm clearly leaning to one side rather than the other but not in a dramatic way. I suppose that's good... I'm not Hitler, but I'm also not that...that...that communist one.

Help please? The test is good to take actually. It's at www.politicalcompass.org I've always been more of Gordon Brown's bitch than one of Cameron's masonic homies, but I'm not entirely sure what to call myself.

And thus I am brought neatly to our need to label everything. What's wrong with sitting at home listening to The Smiths? What's wrong with being 'just like everyone else?' Yes, one shouldn't be led by the crowd, but if you genuinely enjoy something that everyone else happens to like, then why should you sacrifice your enjoyment just to be different? Isn't being an anti-trend following another trend?

Also Riggers, I think we have misjudged the one to which you refer. I know that I have a tendency to be judgemental, and I think that's what's happened with her. We never stop to consider the fact that perhaps the reason people are universally liked is because they're actually nice; maybe they deserve to be universally liked. Imagine how people judge us! I know Beth Smith's convinced I'm a lesbian, and you can sort of see where she's coming from.

I'm pretty butch-looking, I've got a deep voice, I over-use the word bastard and have an unhealthy obsession with Scotch Whiskey! I'm a sixty-seven year old bloke! I would like to clear up, once and for all, that I'm not actually a lesbian,(the knee-licking incident aside,) although sometimes I imagine it'd be a lot easier to be in a relationship with a woman than it would with a man. No, I find men far too endearing to get over-friendly with the ladies. They're so cute with their awkwardness and floppy hair and stubble! *.*

Yeah, sorry girls, but I'm off limits. It's Ok, I won't judge you if you cry.

Between you and me, guys our age are a bit spazzy at the moment. There's nothing wrong with widening your radar...No, sorry I can't keep it up anymore; I'm only saying that because only men in their late twenties/early thirties/mid thirties are desperate enough to find me attractive! XD

You know that bald dude who kept trying to ply me with vodka at the bar? The one who was about three foot seven? I subtly hinted about my age by mentioning the GCSE results I'd just got? Well he basically went:"You're sixteen?" and then carried on looking smug. That was right before he tried to introduce me to his friend 'Manky Pete' who was pissed as a fart and kept staring at my chest. Happy days.

She's not as pretty as she thinks she is - just picture her after she's had kids :D

Oh, guess who I'm referring to there with those clever lyrics.
Sorry - she brings out the absolute worst in me.
I know, I'm a bit of a bitch.
Sorry.

So, I pretty much don't blog anymore?
I was like, the original blogger, and I sustained it when everyone else gave up.
But now I booth instead because it doesn't take as long T_T
But I always link back to this blog, so I'm keeping it going. In a way.

http://dailybooth.com/rigrog

WHY??? WHY??? WHY?

WHY DID I TAKE ENGLISH LANGUAGE! WHY? I was shit at it for GCSE! What posessed me to be like: "Hmm...I know, I'll go and do a subject that made me want to stab myself in my ample stomach with a blunt pencil."

It's not even like I can drop it. If I attempt to, then my mother will kill me.

Well, in other news, Little Beth is still contemplating the meaning of life. I can't even take my own freakin' advice! There is no point in it, because I'll only find out if there's an afterlife when I'm dead. And if there is an afterlife, it's not like I'll be able to tell anyone about it. If there's no afterlife, then I'll be far too dead to register that there is no afterlife. I suppose that's something.

Why do I still have Harry Potter stickers in my room? Seriously, why? If I could find something tha would connect my phone to the laptop, then I'd display the odd stickers. They're not even realistic stickers either. I've got one of Hermionie on a broom. Hermionie hates brooms! D:

I know I seem to be flicking from subject to subject a lot in this, so I'll apologise for thatm before continuing right on.

Just FYI, I'm wearing a spongebob nightie! That's just so that you can perfect the image of lovliness that is me, sat at my desk. No make-up, general obesity and my wierd nose are making me look pretty damn hot right now....YEAH!

Don't worry, be happy

There's always the temptation to over-think stuff. I get it a lot, but I've learned, gradually to switch it off. It's bloody annoying when the little Beth in my brain is like: "Yo, Beth, wanna contemplate shit? What if there's no afterlife? WAIT! What if there IS an afterlife! :o"

I hate Little Beth. Shut up Little Beth. It makes me feel all intellectual when I'm having an attack of the Ponders, but then I realise that there's no point in contemplating life the universe and everything, because after a while I'd go insane.

Insane=Not good
Sane=Good.

If you become to wrapped up in thoughts, you then become self obsessed. Yeah, I know human nature is to be selfish, but fuck it! I'm going to stick with the values that Disney/society has conditioned me to believe in!

Always remember, if in doubt:

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The heron and the otter are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends

How high will the sycamore grow?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon

For whether we are white or copper skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colours of the wind

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colours of the wind


If this doesn't work, you can always use the fact that the word 'brothers' in the first line of the second verse can be very easily substituted for 'Bum Chums' for easy lols and for minimal effort.